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(Adapted from Gay Partner Abuse Project)
Below are a series of questions that may assist you in understanding if your behavior is abusive or violent. Domestic violence includes not only the more visible physical manifestations but also includes verbal, emotional and sexual forms of behavior. If you answer "yes" to any of these questions, you may wish to seek professional assistance.
Recognizing your behavior is the first step towards making change.
- Do you attempt to control the decisions, thoughts, activities, circle of friends, spending patterns, clothing choices or eating patterns of your partner?
- If your partner is unwilling to follow your advice or instruction, do you get angry, criticize, insult, name call, intimidate, make accusations or become violent?
- Do you think you have a much better sense of what is right than your partner?
- Do you have difficulty being patient with and supportive of your partner?
- Do you have difficulty controlling your own frustration, anger or urges?
- Are you uncomfortable with your partner's freedom and independence, particularly in regard to those activities and friendships in which you are not included?
- Have others described your behavior toward your partner as cruel, demeaning, aggressive, intimidating or degrading?
- Have you ever destroyed or damaged your partner’s property?
- Have you ever hit your partner or continued to touch her/him in any way after being asked to stop?
- Do you avoid discussing your behavior?
- Do you justify your behavior including blaming it on drinking or drug use or your partner's actions?
- Do you have a lot of expectations regarding your partner and become very critical when they are not met?
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